And So I Grew

Posted: June 12, 2011 in Uncategorized

You don’t know the truth and I love your life
Flinch against the fire but this ain’t winter
And I’m all by myself the way I wanna be
Where I’m content to be to be all by myself

Luv Your Life – Silverchair


I would like to skip a few years as I have no real significant memories of them, up until the age of 7 or 8.

At the age of 6, I had already been to two different schools, Moving from the New Zealand paradise of an area known as The Bay of Islands, to the Weed capital of New Zealand, Whangerei. To the final destination, Auckland City, City of sails. Auckland is the biggest city in New Zealand, with approximately 2 million people. As a boy I had no idea just how big this was as I was in a small farming community within the large Auckland city scape. I went to school, I made friends, but I always felt that my life was destined for bigger things, Even at such a tender age, I knew. I remember waking up one morning to a new sound. My father had found his old record player. The ancient turning wheel of creative magic. He put on an album I had never heard before, Wheels of Fire, by a 3 piece band known as Cream, featuring a then young Eric Clapton. I will never ever forget that sound, this beautiful instrument floating through the air, through the nerves in my brain. It tickled my mind in such a way. I had finally heard it. That is what I wanted to do. This was my calling.

I remember asking my father “Daddy, what is that instrument?” and he looked at me and smiled. “Its a guitar Jase, A string instrument.” I remember when I was a lot younger, my father had fixed a tap in our house, I thought he could do absolutely everything possible. “Can you play a guitar Daddy?” He stared at me with the same eyes I stare out of every day. “Yes. I can play a guitar.” And for the first time in my life. He played. For me and me alone. I had heard him play before, but I was always asleep when he did it. I had no idea it was him playing. And he sang. He played a standard blues rhythm and sang in a deep raspy blues filled voice. Full of emotion and sorrow. I was hooked. I asked him then and there. “Can I do that too Daddy?” and tears filled his eyes slightly. “I don’t know son. I really don’t know. Guitars aren’t made for toes to play” This made me very angry. My house was never full of music. It was only at 7 that my father decided to bring his music, his life, into his home life.

It was about this time that my oldest brother Gavin started to come and stay with us a lot. He hadn’t been around much apart from Christmas or Birthdays since he turned 18, when he left in what was a very very sad day for us all. I knew something was wrong with Gav. My parents just never told me. I constantly asked questions about his staying “Why is he staying Mummy? He never used to stay with us.” My Mother eventually broke down. “You’re Brother is very very sick Jason, He has cancer.” “But only old people get that don’t they?” she almost cried. “No, there are different cases where some people might get it.” “Is he going to die?” I asked with my curious voice. My father was frozen on the spot, almost rocking back and forth in a trance. “He’s going to get some tests done.” That was all that was going to be said.

I ran to my room, I had taken Dads guitar with me which must have looked quite funny, my sliding a guitar along the floor trying to be secret about it. I stood it upright like a double bass and pushed in a string, I struck it with my other toe. It was horribly painful but I had to do it. I had to express what I was feeling. So I did until my toes bled. I cried about how horrid the pain was, but I learnt to deal with it. I played a single string at a time. But I learnt. And that is how it started. How my life started.


I’m sorry its taken so long for me to write again, I have been so busy with Germany planning with Kar I haven’t had my mind on the Blog! Promise I’ll post again soon.

  1. […] last thing before you all leave: Jase wrote a new blog entry. Go and check it out! It’s really […]

  2. peterbowes says:

    ok with you Jase if i hang onto your coattails? – I too was a Cream man – was, is .. pete

  3. peterbowes says:

    as long as you keep writing jase –

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